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Humor Information |
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Lawyer Jokes
Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?
A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.
Q: What is the legal definition of "Appeal"?
A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 12?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator
Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?
A: It comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.
Q: What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
A: Jewelry.
Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
Q: What's the difference between lawyers and accountants?
A: At least accountants know they're boring.
Stories:
1. A man who had been caught embezzling millions went to a lawyer. His lawyer told him, "Don't worry. You'll never go to jail with all that money? In fact, when the man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime.
2. As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."
3. God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"
4. A lawyer is sitting at the desk in his new office. He hearssomeone coming to the door. To impress his first potential client, he picks up the phone as the door opens and says, "I demand one million and not a penny less." As he hangs up, the man now standing in his office says, "I'm here to hook up your phone."
And finally:
You Might Be A Lawyer If.... You are charging someone to read these jokes.
Richard Chapo is a San Diego business lawyer with http://www.sandiegobusinesslawfirm.com and is rumored to have a sense of humor. Then again, you never know with rumors.
Light, Grace, and Humor Hartford Courant, United States - ... aka The Boys of Summer" (above), display his love of animals and quirky sense of humor. Opening Reception is from 5 - 8 pm on the first day. ... |
 Ottawa Citizen | REVIEW: Irreverent humor lightens 'Hamlet 2' The Desert Sun, CA - If you're familiar with "South Park's" irreverent wit and humor, you will enjoy "Hamlet 2." The heart of the movie belongs to UK comedian Steve Coogan. ... Anything goes in 'Hamlet 2' Steve Coogan on Hamlet 2 The American Experience |
'Rocker' has heart, as well as its share of metal-headed humor Boston Globe, United States - "The Rocker" is a grubby little redemption comedy that in every way feels like a consignment-shop Jack Black vehicle. It wears better on Rainn Wilson, ... Rhythm of Rainn lends humor to `The Rocker' The Rocker and Hamlet 2: Stage Plight Interview: Rainn Wilson |
 Gamasutra | Humor: 'Excerpts From Development Books That Never Were' Gamasutra, CA - [Veteran, possibly pseudonymous game developer Matthew Wasteland writes the 'Arrested Development' humor column for Game Developer magazine, and we're now ... |
Bay Area Author Documents Tragedies of Alcohol Abuse With Humor In ... PR Web (press release), WA - Bill Belew is an educator and journalist who writes and teaches what he knows. A husband and father of three children, Belew is author of the new book, ... |
Magician's Hand: How Humor And Misdirection Can Manipulate Levels ... Science Daily (press release) - The scientists have studied how magicians mix humor into their performances because a laughing audience is unable to pay attention to the magician's hand. ... |
Religion, politics and humor can be a tricky mix, but Ahmad Bahgat ... Egypt Today, Egypt - Never lacking in humor, he explores major social corruption and the typical Egyptian mindset with the simplest of words. Voices from peace activists on both ... |
 Washington Post | The Family Filmgoer Washington Post, United States - The eye-popping visuals put the moviegoer in the thick of things, but the charmless, jumbled story lacks humor and poignancy. Kids won't get the Cold War ... Films opening this weekend |
2 GOP CONTENDERS WHOSE SIMILARITIES ARE MOSTLY SKIN-DEEP Volkskrant, Netherlands - Dole, as a candidate, reined in his humor and kept a protective wall around him, avoiding freewheeling sessions with voters or reporters, in deference to ... |
Web sites offer games, biting humor Battle Creek Enquirer, MI - It is this dichotomy of high- and low-brow humor that is present in its first video game offering, "Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of ... |
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